EPIPHANY

Your place for social commentary

DON’T ASK!

If one more person asks me why I’m single I think I’m going to scream!  For some reason this has been the topic of conversation too many times over the past week.  I am not one of those women fasting and praying that God send me a husband.  I don’t carry around pictures of wedding dresses in my organizer.  I have no desire to know the going rate for wedding receptions at this point in my life. I don’t hit the club every weekend trying to find a new Boo.  As a matter of fact I go to Atlantic Station to laugh at the desperate women in their too tight man catching outfits, and the cheesy men with their horrible pick up lines.  Anyone that knows me knows this.  

Why are you single? Why don’t you have a boyfriend/husband?  A better question is: Why are you all in my business??? 

During the regular “catching up” conversation with friends, the “are you dating” question is bound to come up.  That, I get.  It’s that sad disappointed look you get from strangers when they try to get up in your business. It’s the way they sigh right before they say: I can’t believe you’re still single.  I am so over them with their nosey disapproving glances *rolling eyes now*. 

And don’t get me started on the older relatives that you see about once a year.  Baby ain’t you found yourself no husband yet?  Hmh, maybe if you didn’t work so much you might be able to keep a man. You know Miss So-and-So has a handsome grandson.  He plays the tambourine in the choir.   *rolling eyes as I stab myself with a rusty fork* .  I’ll take a case of TB with a dose of poison before I date any man known for playing the tambourine in the choir….thanks, but no thanks!

Majority of the single men and women with sense are single for the same two reasons: We want to be, and we refuse to settle. I don’t want a man in a red suit and matching gators.  I don’t want a man that spends more time looking at himself in the mirror than I do.  I am all for a guy being in shape, but I once dated a guy who was constantly asking me if he looked fat.  I also don’t want a “work in progress”.  I need him to come fully assembled with a couple of references.  It might sound rude, but I did the longsuffering bit already.  I am so over that now. 

I am sure single men feel the same way.  By this point in your life, you’ve been working for a while, started saving for retirement, you’re not on drugs, you aren’t on parole *fingers crossed*, and you don’t have baby mama drama *fingers still crossed*.  Why should you have to settle for Boomquisha and her four kids.  You do not need them coming over and tearing up your nice leather furniture.  You put a lot of effort into laying out your bachelor pad!  Don’t let her bring those Be-Be’s over there with their Now-A-Later wrappers and French fry crumbs J!

To all those women who are always asking “when are you gonna have a baby”…I need y’all to cease and desist with that foolishness too!  Why are you more concerned about my biological clock than I am?  And please stop sending out pictures of your little bundle of joy with every email.  News Flash:  Lil Mama looks the same to me today as she looked in the pictorial you sent me last week.  Stop inundating my inbox with that mess!  

Those that feel obligated to always inquire about a persons status…STOP THE MADNESS.  He/She is single just because!  Because he wants to be.  Because she didn’t find a good man yet.  Then again, maybe it’s actually a lie.  Maybe he/she has a rack of boo’s at the house but doesn’t want you all up in their business.  Maybe you are being too intrusive with your questions.  When he/she feels sufficiently boo’d up, and wants to tell you he/she will *sucking teeth and rolling eyes*.

To all the single men and women…there is nothing wrong with us.  Let’s keep it real; majority of the people trying to push us down the aisle are doing so because misery loves company.  I don’t know why our being single is such a big deal to everyone else.  Is their a deadline that no one told us about?  The way they say still single as if the statute of limitations is about to expire, and I’m going to get deported or something!  If there is some type of Boo Bonus out there that I’m not aware of please let me know.  If the government is giving out tax breaks I’ll be sure to get boo’d up post haste!  Otherwise please don’t ask me again!

JerzeeChick

 

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September 6, 2007 - Posted by | Life, Relationships, Single, Society

6 Comments »

  1. This was too funny. Thanks for putting people up on game. Single and alone doesnt mean lonely and desperate.

    Comment by JQ | September 6, 2007

  2. Okay…how bout that. I pity the envy of all those attached people who want to be us. Those that long to have those days back that they could sleep in, turn off the phone, go where ever, whenever, and do whatever. The non-disclosure of the budget…so what if I have another new Gucci…yes, I think I will up and go to Miami for the weekend. I ain’t gotta tell nobody. At 35 being single, paid, no baby fat or stretch marks, and a rack like a 25 year old is the bomb and thank God for it.

    Comment by MikBaby | September 6, 2007

  3. Mik, I love you. Married and with a Kid and I still aspire to be like the jerzeechick & Mik–If i could turn back the hands of time when the orginal invitation was offered, but I digress. Anyway, I’m actually glad you’re single b/c if you were booed up, you wouldn’t have time to entertain me with the blog. Do u.

    Comment by Irving on the Crest | September 6, 2007

  4. It is such a relief to know that I am not the only one who is just fine being single. I am not out every weekend looking for my “future baby daddy”! I am hard working woman doing what is necessary to move forward. I agree wholeheartedly with JerzeeChick when she says that she isn’t interested in a work in progress. Been there! Done that! Not doing it again!!! I am celebrating my birthday today. I don’t have a Boo, a Baby, or a Sweetie! and it is all good. I am smart, beautiful, strong, and doing me!!
    I am proud to be among the single and lovin” it!

    Comment by V. Thompson | September 6, 2007

  5. What’s wrong with the brother that plays the tambourine in the chior? At least you know he’s loves the Lord.

    Comment by The Lone Wolf | September 6, 2007

  6. I REAL-ly believe there is a group of people who sincerely bask in ONENESS aka being single. I REAL-ly loved it mydamnself. BUT it’s a bunch of rotten stank bologna when desperate single people masquerade themselves as REAL-ly loving the single life. It AINT a good look. Aint buying it, not even with funny money. To the small percentage of sincerely happy single people – I can’t knock your hustle. To those who need to be ALOT more honest with themselves – please stop frontin’. Yall need to be told. Yall need to stop trying to assimilate with the REAL single & happy people. Its a fraud, and believe it or not it shows. There is 2 distinct groups of single people (aged 27.5 yrs+): 1)REAL-ly blissfully happy to be single and 2)those who need to stop trying to hide behind the “Single & Happy” mantra, ‘cuz u AINT thatdamn happy. Group 2, you are exposed and can’t camouflage and infiltrate Group 1. Your attempts are futile, transparent and make you look silly. In parting, if I try hard enough I too can pretend I REAL-ly enjoy being pleasantly plump, cramps, tooth pain, stubbing my pinkie toe, accidentally tasting ear wax, and biting my tongue? Ya feel me?

    Comment by PLZBREAL | September 12, 2007


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