EPIPHANY

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Who Told Me????

My new catch phrase this week is “Who Told Me”.  When I experience something bizarre and am shocked by it, I ask myself “who told me”.  When I do something stupid (like attempt to drive to Atlantic Station in the middle of rush hour traffic), I laugh and ask myself “who told me”.  When someone crosses a line and does something inappropriate I might laugh and say “who told him”, because obviously he wasn’t thinking either!

Who told me I should be able to go to the grocery store and NOT get harassed by the cheesy men?  Some of you may remember my ordeal with the guy in the frozen food section a while back, so it was only a matter of time before Mayor McCheese in the bakery aisle tried to get his holler on.  I was wearing a cute Obama ’08 shirt while picking up a few items.  Mayor McCheese obviously spotted me when I entered his area and decided to follow me and comment very loudly to the person he was speaking to on his cell phone.  He kept referring to me as “number 8”, and I was thoroughly annoyed.  First of all stop stalking me, and second of all be politically aware, clown! 

I hate the post office.  I especially hate my local post office and wish to lobby the government to allow me to transfer my mail to a post office that is more customer friendly.  I am tired of my mail being delivered at 6:30 in the evening….but I digress!  My most recent trip to the post office was moderately pleasant until I got accosted by Tiny Tim in the parking lot.  Who told him he had any shot at getting my number while standing a 5 feet 2 inches tall.[for those that didn’t know, I’m 5’8”]  I smiled and politely told him “no thank you” when he offered me his phone number on a ripped piece of paper.  I thought that would be the end of it…..but who told me?????  Lil dude proceeded to call me a “mean lady” and yelled at me in his thick African accent as I pulled off.

Your weave is your business, and when I see a bad a weave I may snicker or shake my head, but ultimately it’s not my business.  Thinking Boomquisha and Key-LoLo would take a similar stance on my hair style……who told me????  Why did the ghetto wonder twins tell me my “sew-in” was cute, but I shouldn’t have let them cut so much off.  First of all, I don’t have a weave!  My hair isn’t long down to my butt, it is medium length and I have what I like to call a “white girl choppy” hair style.  At first I thought surely they could not be talking to me.  Boomquisha had a gold grill and blonde braids that she was in the middle of taking out.  Key-LoLo had a bad multi-color weave.  They were in the beauty supply store buying MORE FAKE HAIR.  I politely told them it was my hair, and not a weave.  They were skeptical, until I bent down to show them my actual scalp.  After that they were all “oh girl your hair is cute” (and yes “cute” was stretched to a two syllable word)!

Who told me to let the weird white guy take a picture of my feet????  I am sure I’m on some foot fetish porn site at this very moment, but it all happened so fast!!!!  I was minding my business (translation: trying to catch a good sale) when this guy came up to me to compliment my shoes.  I was so busy trying to find my size on the 40% off rack the holy inappropriateness of his commentary went right over my head.  When he whipped out a digital camera and crouched down to snap a picture of my stiletto’s I was slightly oblivious, but the seedy grin he had once he captured the picture was a tell tale sign he was a nut job!  If someone finds a picture of brown feet with lavender toes in a pair of black stiletto open toed shoes floating around the internet….please advise me post haste!

The NFL is at it again….who told him????  You may remember me talking about the Nutty Fruit Loop (NFL) from my job.  How about he had the nerve to send me an email telling me to schedule a conference call for him.  Again I ask…..who told him?????  I wanted to walk around the corner to his office and let him have it, but I had a better idea (translation: The Corporate America Hustle is in full effect)!  Nothing against secretaries and people that do schedule meetings, but that is not in my job description.  Y’all know all I need is a reason to slack off, and the antics of the NFL gave me one on a silver platter!!!!!

As you can see it has definitely been one of those weeks for me.  This started as a vent blog, but as I typed all of this out I had to laugh because it’s funny.  I walk around playing the part of the chick that has it all together….but who told me????  The lesson you should get from this weeks blog…take a minute to laugh at yourself! [and share with us, so we can laugh too]  Our lives are so serious and so intense, but sometimes you gotta laugh to keep from crying.  Yes the short guy in the post office parking lot did make a scene, but the sight of him in my rear view mirror cussing and carrying on was hilarious (especially when you add that accent to the mix).  Mayor McCheese in Publix did annoy me, but in retrospect, the lameness of his pick-up game was comical. There is humor in almost everything, so take a minute to stop….think….and laugh!  Life is serious…..who told you?????  Come on laugh it off…..I know you want to!

JerzeeChick

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July 30, 2008 - Posted by | Fun, Laughter, Life, Society

5 Comments »

  1. I’d follow you around the store too Number 8!

    Comment by CoFe | July 31, 2008

  2. CoFe–LOL! I am about to lose my job reading this mess with my door open. Good way to end my week. My “who told him” moment was this morning when a senior gentleman at the gym had on his booty shorts with the white stripes( the same ones he had back in the 70s) proceeded to use the antibacterial wipes for the machine to clean his face and wipe out his ears, “who told him!”

    Comment by Irving on the Crest | July 31, 2008

  3. Just what I needed…to start the weekend. “Who told them” to send an urgent e-mail at 10:30pm telling me my password was going to expire the next morning. Like I was going to check it. Thank you for letting my start my weekend early because now my “IT ticket” is in rotation and password reset is not a priority. See you all Monday.

    Comment by Venom | July 31, 2008

  4. Sounds like a Hook for your new song(light bulb) I can see JC on stage now, doing the remix with her favorite rapper Shawty LO. Please don’t use the T-Pain effect on this song, do something new. I need some publishing for that idea. I’ll have my lawyer call you.

    Comment by The Lone Wolf | August 5, 2008

  5. To funny! So I’m chatting with my BFF yesterday and she tells me that at a club this past April she was nice enough to let a guy make a call from her cell phone because his was dead and he was separated from the rest of his party. This was the beginning and end of the encounter. WELL, fast forward four months to the night before last…..Who told her…. that he wasn’t going to find it PERFECTLY APPROPRIATE to call her at 3:00 AM on Thursday morning, 4 months after she did NOT give him her phone number and after she DID advise him that she was married????

    Comment by Mai | August 8, 2008


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