EPIPHANY

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Pimp Wimp

I’m wondering, do I have the word “desperate” tattooed on my forehead?  Something must be tattooed up there because I swear I am a magnet for the cheesiest of pick up lines.  If you’ve been reading the blog for a while, you remember the story about the guy and the “drinking the bathwater” comment.  There was also the guy that decided to call me “Number 8” because of the Obama ’08 T-shirt.  As tragically funny as those incidents were, I’ve found that I get the cheesiest lines in response to the “I don’t eat meat” statement.

Maybe I must look like someone that eats meat.  Maybe the surplus of wing spots and chitterling selling venues in Atlanta makes it impossible to believe that anyone could voluntarily avoid meat.  Whatever the reason, I get the most cheesy commentary when I say I don’t eat meat.  A few days ago I was in the supermarket and Mayor McCheese asked which barbeque sauce I thought was best.  I told him I didn’t eat meat.  He was shocked and asked if I ate chicken, and I told him no.  He then proceeded to ask me, and I quote: DO YOU EAT SCRIMPS AND STUFF LIKE THAT.

First of all, there is no “C” in the word shrimp, and second of all shrimp is both singular and plural so there is no “S” on the end of that word.  I didn’t give him the much needed phonics lesson; I just smiled and shook my head “no” as I walked away.  I managed to contain my laughter as I asked myself:  Lord, why did the man ask me if I ate scrimps?

I thought it couldn’t get any better than that, but low and behold, I ran into someone today that really took the cake.  In Atlanta there are a plethora of soul food restaurants.  Most of them proudly proclaim they sell chitterlings year round, so that gives you an idea of the clientele.  Today, as I waited to order my veggie plate a reject from some 1979 pimp convention sidled up to me.
Pimp WimpSo I hear the ribs here are saying something.
JerzeeChick:    I wouldn’t know.  I don’t eat meat.
Pimp Wimp proceeds to look me up and down.
Pimp Wimp: What you say?  I sho woulda neva guessed that one.

Pimp Wimp then rubs his belly.  I pull out my phone and pretend to have a conversation with my imaginary friend on the other end.  There is a five-minute wait for sweet potato’s, so I place my order and step aside to wait for my food.  I wasn’t paying attention and Pimp Wimp sidles up to me again as I sip my sweet tea.  This time he brings his “A-Game”! *NOT*
Pimp Wimp: I was thinkin’ brown skin.  You should let me take you out for a steak dinner.  I guarantee if you have a steak dinner with me, you’ll love meat.

I spit my sweet tea clear across the room.  I laugh hysterically and simply say “no thank you” as I move away from him expeditiously.  Not five seconds later, a woman walks in and grabs his arm.  She is wearing a patchwork leather jacket circa 1979 and gold rings on every finger.  A definite match made in heaven!  They called my number shortly thereafter, so I grabbed my food and left.  Why did Pimp Wimp have the nerve to wink at me as I passed him?

The entire exchange reminded me of all the cheesy lines I’ve heard in my lifetime…and I wondered WHY ME?!?!?!?!?  I searched for the below video, as he was full of bad pick-up lines.  Hopefully this little blast from the past will make you laugh and inspire you to share some of the worst pick up lines you’ve ever heard or used!
JerzeeChick


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March 5, 2009 - Posted by | Laughter, Relationships, Single

4 Comments »

  1. I used to recide poetry. I would run up on a girl in the street and say something poetic about her eyes. Worked every time!!!! Then I met a girl I was really digging and when we eventually broke up she told me my poetry was wack. Blew my confidence out the water.

    Comment by JBlaze | March 5, 2009

  2. Poetry, songs and riddles do not work! Save it, can we just be ourselves and be real. Geez!

    Comment by Venom Patton | March 5, 2009

  3. HILARIOUS…..that was a good morning laugh. I clearly remember that episode. True poetry in action. 🙂 I am so proud to say that I haven’t experienced any weak pick up lines and if I have I must have repressed them as the memory may have been way too bad. They must sense that u r a Jerzee Chick…worthy of all that extraordinary attention!

    Comment by Tsani | March 6, 2009

  4. The one that I “HATE” is ” I like big women” like I suppse to jump up and down because he likes plus size women.

    Comment by Pam | March 7, 2009


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