Your place for social commentary

Sloppy Pimpin’

One by one we see politicians being exposed as philandering cheaters.  Often it’s the same people that enjoy climbing on their moral high horses being exposed.  I can’t even say it’s all about Republicans and Conservatives, because we see the sprinkling of Democrats being caught out there too.

Marital infidelity is primarily between a husband and wife.  Unfortunately when you are in the public eye your business is put out on Front Street with the quickness.  It climbs to the top of the CNN ticker even faster when you have a history of pointing fingers at other people when their indiscretions are publicized.    They say people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.  I say people in glass houses shouldn’t even touch rocks!!!

Speaking of rocks…you have to be living under one if you haven’t heard about South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford.  It seems Governor Sanford went missing for several days.  His Lt. Governor didn’t know where he was.  His senior staffers didn’t know where he was.  His wife also said she didn’t know where he was.  The cover story was a hiking trip in the Appalachians.  His cell phone was going straight to voicemail.  He wasn’t replying to email.  He was just MIA.  How exactly does a public official, a governor no less, think he can just dip off like that?  Sloppy Pimpin’

I DO NOT condone cheating and by all accounts by the time this little tryst took place his wife was well aware of the affair, but COMMON SENSE MUCH????  Did he really think he could take up in another country with the side boo without adequately covering his tracks?  Even the guy working on fry’s in McDonalds has sense enough to get a friend to cover for him when he dips out to meet up with ole girl from Popeye’s!

When the New Jersey Governor went down in the gay lover scandal we shook our heads.  When the Governor of New York went down in the escort for hire money laundering scandal we shook our heads….but Mark Sanford is the epitome of Sloppy Pimpin’.  Does it really get any worse?  The only highlight in this story is his wife is not doing the longsuffering stand by your man in the press conference bit!  As if the affair is not bad enough on its own, the way these politicians parade their wives out like dedicated show ponies is enough to make my stomach turn.  Glad to see Jenny Sanford had a little more self-respect.

Like I said the marital infidelity should be between the husband and wife, and if she can forgive him that is her business.  In what is probably a very tumultuous and emotional time to expect her to put your career aspirations ahead of her own pain just adds insult to injury.  Jenny, thankfully, wasn’t having it.  She let Mark’s sloppy pimpin’ do him in and refused to hold his hand and pose for pictures during his public unraveling.  At the height of his alleged disappearance she said she didn’t know where he was.  I wonder if she knew.  As a parent I would think you would let the mother of your children know when you left the country…but then again what kind of man dips out on his kids for Father’s Day?

There is no talk of impeachment, but I’m wondering…how do you not get punished for going MIA?  His sloppy pimpin’ left his state with no clear leadership.  What if there was a natural disaster while he was doing the Tango in Argentina?  Public outcry is usually swift when it’s a democrat caught with his pants down.  The only thing missing during the Bill Clinton/Monica Lewinsky scandal was burning crosses and pitchforks, and we knew he was right in the oval office doing his dirt!  Shouldn’t there be some type of restitution for Governor Sanford?  Doesn’t he owe his constituents that much?

June 25, 2009 Posted by | Family, Opinion, Politics | 3 Comments

In Loving Memory…

As a writer, I should never be at a loss for words.  I guess it’s tantamount to a stripper that has no rhythm.  Use of words is how I “shake my money maker”! In spite of that, yesterday I was at a loss for words.  A friend had died, and when I got the call I didn’t know what to say.  Surely it was a mistake, I thought.  But sadly it wasn’t a mistake, and sadder still my friend is gone.  This blog is dedicated to him, and all of you that may have lost someone near and dear too soon.

If you knew “B”, you couldn’t help but love him.  He was the strong silent type that could light up a room with his smile and laughter.  Our friendship basically was formed over our shared concern for someone that needed us at the time.

“B” was the type of friend you wanted around if you were ever in need.  Be it need of a barber, a diamond, or a good meal “B” had you covered.  He put us on to the best Japanese restaurant in Atlanta. When I was recovering from surgery and my cousin had to leave town on business, “B” was on deck with cranberry juice.  When I had a birthday BBQ, “B” got the chicken breast “hook up” for the grill.  We even had a secret baked beans contest because he thought the pineapple and ground beef made his recipe better than mine *not*!

What is it about death that makes us go through our mental Rolodex of memories? “B” died unexpectedly, but I know even when the death is due to a long illness we tend to be stunned when we get the call.  We immediately think of what we would have said if we had one more chance.  We cling to our memories as a source of comfort.  I’ll never forget the year “B” hosted the Y2K sleepover, or the way I made him laugh when I referred to his store as the “student union”. My memories of “B” are definitely a blessing, and I’d be even more of a wreck without them.

To everyone that has lost someone, as you move through the stages of grief remember how your loved one LIVED and NOT how they died!  We’ve heard the “til death do you part” phrase over and over again, but memories are yours to have and hold onto forever!  I’ve never been one to stand over a trash can fire and “pour a little out for the brothers that ain’t here”, but this blog was my way of honoring a good friend that died too soon.  My favorite “Off The Heezy” boy will be missed!


November 13, 2008 Posted by | Family, Friendship, Life, Love, Society | 6 Comments

Who’s In Your 5?????

Once upon a time, kids were scared to cut up in the presence of anybody’s mother!  Even if your own mom was miles across town, you knew Miss so-and-so had unwritten authority to open up a can of “act right” if you got out of line. Now kids will run past you in the mall, step on your feet, and not say excuse me.  They will fight and cuss in your presence and not bat an eye.  They blast lewd music in the church parking lot and make you wonder what pack of wolves raised them.  Sometimes we gasp and shake our heads, but at some point we always think back to our own behavior and confirm that we “knew better” at that age.  Most of us grew up in houses with mother’s that WERE NOT HAVING IT!  Luckily in addition to Janice, I had Aunties that DID NOT PLAY!

As you all know Mother’s Day is Sunday.  To all the Mom’s out there: have a wonderful day.  We appreciate the love (sometimes disguised as discipline) you’ve shown over the years.  For this week’s blog, I’d like to shout out my Fave Five Moms!  BBJ aka Big Bad Jan (she hates it when I call her that) will always have the Mommy Emeritus spot in my heart.  If my life were a T-Moble cell phone plan, my Fave Five would be:


  1. Mommy: No matter how old I get, she’ll always make me bread pudding (*hint hint*) and will forever treat me like her personal assistantJ.    
  2. Aunt Fern: If I didn’t list her name first after BBJ she’d kill me J.  Also because she is the voice of reason when the drama gets too loud and especially because she taught me “…it’s not about the cowboys and the Indians”!
  3. Mary: This one is a little weird because technically she is not a Mom.  But she’s an Auntie, so she made the cut!  Mary is the calm in the midst of the storm for so many people in her life.  She’s a nurturer, and we all count on her wisdom.  To know Dweebie is to know Mary, and knowing Mary has definitely been a blessing for me….and I still want to be like her when I grow up!
  4. Miss Linda: Because she makes the best Peach Cobbler EVER! And also because she redefined Strong Black Woman for me!  Where others would have given up, she stayed strong and definitely came out on top.
  5. Karen: She’s my favorite Hey Mon! In spite of being a wife and mother she still has time to be a very supportive friend.  We struggle through lent together every year, and share a shopping addiction.  We mourned the end of The Wire, and look forward to the new season of Big Brother!  I call her when I’m in crisis and she always makes time….(now all I need her to do is read that other book) J

Mother’s are a blessing….just ask anyone whose mom is no longer with them!  To all of the Mom’s out there (and especially my Fave Five), thank you for all you do!  I chose the five women that support and inspire me the most. So Epiphany Blog……it’s your turn! Who are the Mom’s in your Fave Five?



May 7, 2008 Posted by | Family, Life, Society | 7 Comments

Front Row Seating

My cousin sent a very poignant email recently. It was something she had received a long time ago, but she thought it was worth revisiting. The basic gist of the email was our life is a theatre and everyone does not deserve a front row seat.

If you visualize an actual theatre, and put yourself onstage, you want the front row filled with the people that you know love and support you. When you look out into your audience, the first faces you see should be the smiling faces of your biggest supporters. Those people that give you supportive glances and cheer you on at all costs deserve a front row seat. Those eye rolling haters need to be relocated!

Sometimes we get so caught up in the “hook up” mentality, that we forget everybody doesn’t deserve to be front and center. I hate watching award shows and seeing the rappers bring their ENTIRE CREW on stage, or talk about how they “keep it real” by surrounding themselves with the homies. Most of us grimace because we know better….or do we????? How many relationships do we hold on to simply because we feel obligated? Aren’t we basically doing the same thing? Sure, there is no Grammy being exchanged, and People Magazine isn’t there taking the picture, but if we are subjecting ourselves to the negative energy of some old friends or family members do we really know better? Why give someone such a prime seat in your life if their presence only brings you down? Granted they may have tenure, but that does not automatically entitle them to be in your front row.

Some people should be on the Mezzanine or Balcony level because their negative energy will only bring you down. Knowing someone since you were five does not automatically get them into the front row. We need to recognize that we can’t totally cut ourselves off from some of the negative people in our lives, but we can minimize their impact on our performance. Not putting someone in the front row doesn’t mean we love them any less; it just means we love them from a distance.

On this stage that is my life, I will reserve the front row seats for the people that inspire and uplift. I will put the voices of negativity in the balcony, and save the mezzanine for those that drain or discourage. I will put the people I WANT to be close to in my front row, and the people that I want to love from a distance can simply sit someplace else.

This logic works both ways. While we are busy booting people out of the front row, maybe there is someone that deserves an upgrade. Has someone you may have unknowingly relegated to the balcony caught your attention because they always seem to cheer louder than those in the coveted front row?

Take a minute to think about your theatre. Is your seating arrangement one that benefits you, or have you stacked it to your own detriment? Do you have all the right people in the front row, or is it time to open up that mezzanine/balcony and shuffle some people around?


February 14, 2008 Posted by | Family, Friendship, Life | 4 Comments

Happy Thanksgiving

I remember the first year The Cosby Show premiered.  It was 1984, and America got a glimpse of a modern black family.  I loved the Huxtable’s, and like many of you, I often reflect fondly on my favorite episodes.  I love the Gordon Gartrell shirt fiasco.  Of course the anniversary shows, where the Huxtable clan performed for the grandparents, are favorites of mine.  I still laugh when I watch Clair go off on Vanessa for sneaking off to see The Wretched, and Theo singing “Justine Justine” is priceless.  I could go on and on, but I will leave you all with this…..

The first time we saw the Huxtable’s celebrate Thanksgiving was on November 22, 1984.  On that day my family “bit” off of our favorite sitcom family and decided to go around the table to say one thing that we were thankful for.  Ever since then, whenever we were all together for Thanksgiving we would continue in that tradition.  Many of you won’t read this blog until after you’ve had your fill of turkey and all the trimmings.  I’m sure you will have memories of Thanksgiving 2007, but if you haven’t already stop and take an extra moment to say one thing that you are thankful for in 2007!


November 22, 2007 Posted by | Family, Life | 1 Comment

Happy Mother’s Day

The second Sunday in May is set aside to honor Mothers.  That day is dedicated to Mommy, Grandma, Bigma, Godmother and Aunt so-and-so.  It goes without saying, and we’ve been doing it since the first time we glued the macaroni to construction paper in preschool.  Now as an adult, there is usually a heartfelt card from Hallmark, maybe a special dinner outing and in some cases a nice gift.  Yes, most of us do this once a year.  With the recent passing of Kanye West’s mother, Mother’s Day was on my mind.  I’ve been thinking of all the cliché sayings and songs written about mothers.  I thought about my friends and their relationships with their mothers.  I thought of Miss Philip, Miss Linda, Miss Stephanie, Miss Kim, Miss Ginger, Miss Estelle, Trish and Hazel.  These are the moms of my closest friends and I credit them with nurturing such wonderful daughters and sons. 

Moms nurture, and in their own way do their best to support us.  Sometimes that support comes with a lecture and a lot of extra commentary, but it’s support nonetheless!  Two nights ago a friend and I chatted about our most recent mommy based trials and tribulations.  Hers was the request to obtain a copy of this month’s Ebony Magazine with Michael Jackson on the cover (because apparently none of the stores her mom frequented would carry this publication and thus my friend was required to purchase it and carry it across the state line and deliver it to her mom on Thanksgiving).  My tribulation involved a recipe for Emeril’s Banana Cream Pie (because apparently such a recipe could only be obtained by going on the internet at MY house.  No one in the same house as my mother would be able to complete this task) *sighs*. 

I joke about my mom, but despite her propensity to drive me up a wall, I love her to death.  I know I wouldn’t be the woman I am today if she wasn’t the woman she’s always been, so to Jan I say thanks!  She may not have written a book or quit her job (yet) to support my endeavors but I know she would cut somebody to the white meat for messing with her baby!  My mom has taught me so many things.  She taught me how to cook, the virtues of a clean house, and the significance of prayer in my life.  No matter how grown we get or how far away we move from home Mommy will always be Mommy and her influence is everlasting.   

With all of that in mind, I decided to write this blog to recognize all the moms out there. Even though the Mother’s Day holiday is still 179 day away, take a minute to celebrate your mom.  Reflect on the lessons learned, or reminisce about the fun times.  Commiserate with your friends about your relationships with a sometimes crazy mom.  (Not crazy in the mental health sense of the word, but crazy in the I can’t believe she just said that sense of the word.)   

If the guilt of eating that last cookie in 1979 has been weighing heavy on you, now is the time to come clean. If she warned you from the beginning that the chicken head with the bad weave was not the woman for you, give her credit.  If you really did take her car without permission back in 1993 and subsequently caused that scratch on the rear bumper, confession is good for the soul! We only get one mom, so go ahead and give her a shout out!


November 15, 2007 Posted by | Family, Friendship, Life | 4 Comments