EPIPHANY

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Old School

We are approaching the 20th Anniversary of Spike Lee’s Do The Right Thing movie release.  According to Essence Magazine, this movie put Brooklyn on the map.  Not sure about that, but flashing back to the summer of 1989 made me nostalgic. In an effort to ride that nostalgia wave, this past Saturday I went to an “Old School” party.  I learned several things at this event, the first being:  Old School is definitely a relative term.  What is Old School to a recent college graduate is definitely not that same as what someone that matriculated in the mid-90’s would consider Old School.  I also learned that the older men are, the less intimidated they are by height!  Another fun fact: the older you are, the more inclined you might be to pull out outfits from your Old School era.  Yes Epiphanyblog I saw a sequined beret circa 1976 at that party.

It was a fun night though.  I enjoyed watching the songs that really got people on the floor.  Frankie Beverly & Maze (Before I Let Go), was a definite crowd favorite.  The Michael Jackson run was fabulous and this song in particular made everyone happy.

Old School music seems to bring out the lighter side in most people too.  In an effort to keep it light this week, I pulled out some of my favorite Old School videos for your viewing pleasure.

Madonna is timeless.  She still dances like a twenty year old and every time I hear this song I want to strike a pose.

When I was at the party on Saturday, a group of girls grown women actually reenacted the dance sequence to the below video.  Now I was/am a New Edition fan, but not sure if I would be doing the moves in a ballroom at the Sheraton Hotel.  Sidebar: YouTube would not allow me to post the original video, so I had to settle for this live version.  If you want to look up the old video for yourself, please take a look at Ralph Tresvant in the stirrups — LOL!

Since I am on the New Edition track, I figured I’d keep it going with this BBD video.  Imagine the humor/horror when two grown men had a “dance off” to this song on Saturday.  Normally you don’t see men dancing too much these days, but the Old School parties must stir something up inside them!

So back to the summer of 1989.  I had a bus pass, my own phone, and cleaning the kitchen and doing laundry were my only real responsibilities.  I had no concept of Corporate America Oppression, and no idea how much being a grown up would suck!  I was exempt from income taxes, and my summer job was FUN!

Old School is always COOL! I love it because it instantly transports me back to a time and place I almost forgot about.  Every now and then I do a blog like this and we share our stories and laugh about our bad hairstyles and acid washed jean suits. Even though we are all grown up with lives and families and jobs and tax obligations…we enjoy the trip down memory lane.  Tell me Epiphanyblog,  why do you love Old School?

JerzeeChick

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June 11, 2009 Posted by | Fun, Music, Old School | 4 Comments

The Revolution

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  The revolution will not be televised….it will be on FACEBOOK!!!!  If you have not joined the Facebook Matrix, what are you waiting for?  Last night I watched President Obama deliver his State of the Union address.  As I listened to my President intently…I was “Facebooking”.  My Facebook friends and me commented on the speech and how we thought President Obama did.  We talked about how good First Lady Michelle looked, and how we are looking forward to the changes President Obama spoke of.

All totaled my Facebook experience yesterday was great.  It was fun to participate in the commentary with various people around the country about President Obama (cause y’all know I’m a die hard Obama Mama), but even more than that I got my scanner rocking yesterday and I started uploaded pictures from high school. *gasps*

To all the Facebookers out there, you know one of the highlights of Facebook is the pictures.  Even though I cringe every time I get the notification that someone tagged me in a photo, I too did a little uploading and tagging yesterday.  I pulled out the ICHS album, and commenced to strolling down memory lane.  As I looked at the old pics of my classmates and myself I felt like the Virginia Slims ad circa 1980…”you’ve come a long way baby”!  This blog is dedicated to those long ago friends that Facebook has helped me reconnect with.  Below is the list of the top ten ICHS memories that Facebook helped me revisit during my scanning escapade.

10.  The Sucky Faculty. Aside from Mr. Villablanca, most of the teachers sucked.  I remember having Mr. Young for Physical Science freshman year.  He was mean and had dandruff in his eyebrows. YUCK!

9.  We didn’t have a band. We had a boom box for pep rallies—LOL!

8. Hatim Salahuddin. We had a lot of memorable boys in our class.  One created his own dance, and another fell off the roof of a car at the bus stop.  Hatim was memorable for several reasons (pocket protectors and tie renting notwithstanding), but it was his “Ladies Love” song that stands out in my mind even to this day.

7.  The Bench. I didn’t spend “a lot” of time on the bench, but I did a “bid” every now and then.

6.  Sports. Even though we were a small school, we had a few really good athletes.  ICHS didn’t invest a lot of money in the cafeteria, but they believed in cultivating an athlete!

5.  Running for the 34/94. I live in Atlanta now, and all the kids catch a school bus.  The bus picks them up and drops them off pretty much in front of their homes, and it waits for them.  I WISH a bus driver would have waited for me when I was in High School!  I remember standing at the bus stop in that little blue skirt about to FREEZE as I waited for my bus.  Even with sweat pants on under the skirt, I was still cold.

4.  Fi’s Jams. Back when Essex Catholic parties were few and far between, Fiona threw a mean party.

3. Senior Traditions. Wearing any color sweater I wanted was cool, and half day Fridays were even better. Mostly, I remember the infamous egg-throwing debacle of 1991.  Not sure of the statute of limitations on vandalism, so I won’t say any more about that!

2.  PSAT Day Junior Year. Again, I’ll just leave it at that, because I don’t want to drop any dimes!

1.  Segregated Sections. Freshman year we had 5 Sections (A-B-C1-C2-D).  I started in 9C1, so I guess I was of middle ground intelligence.  I got moved to section 9B, So I wasn’t quite smart enough to be in 9A, but I was smarter than the C1 kids?!?!?!  What kind of crap is that?  Our parents should have protested!

Majority of the people reading this blog probably can’t relate to my little top ten, but hopefully it will inspire you to reconnect with your high school friends and maybe create your own top ten.  Gone are the days of reading the obituary pages to keep up with the people you went to school with.  Even if you’ve relocated, Facebook makes you feel like you still live around the way.  I implore you all to join the Facebook nation, because the revolution will not be televised!
JerzeeChick

February 26, 2009 Posted by | Friendship, Fun, Opinion, Technology | 8 Comments

A Look Back

As we move closer to the inauguration and look forward to the changes we are about to see in our country, I wanted to take a minute to reflect on 2008.  There were a lot of memorable moments, and I wanted to count down my favorites: the good, the bad, and the ugly!

10. I Can See Russia From My House
If you’ve been following Epiphanyblog, you know I was not a fan of the Republican Vice Presidential Nominee.  I remember when I heard her name on CNN, my first comment was “Sara Who?”  Regardless of what you think about her qualifications, we can all agree she gave comediennes and late night talk shows countless hours of material.

9. The Real Housewives of Atlanta
This show was a train wreck that I just couldn’t look away from.  I debated its merits with so many people…but all I asked is that they watch one full episode and they too would be hooked!  Apparently someone other than me was watching because it was the highest rated show in Bravo history.

8. Historic Olympic Athletes
I am a sports chick, so I follow those people that are deemed “the greatest” in their particular area of competition.  While swimming was never really on my radar, I was glued to my seat as I watched Michael Phelps win a record breaking 8 Gold Medals during the summer games in Beijing.

7.  The Facebook Phenomenon
First let me shout out all my FB friends that might be reading today.  And those of you that aren’t “friends”…what are you waiting for?  Facebook is the ultimate in social networking sites.  You’d be amazed at who you can find, and more importantly what old pics of yourself are floating out there on Facebook.  The revolution won’t be televised…it will be on Facebook!

6.  The Giants Beat the Patriots
I hate the New England Patriots.  Belichick, Brady, and the whole crew can kick rocks for all I care.  One of the sweetest moments of 2008 came when Big Blue dethroned those smug Patriots!

5.  The Shot Heard Around The World
Even though Omar was a career criminal and pretty much made his living as a stick-up kid…he had some endearing qualities.  As I watched every episode of The Wire’s final season, I never expected to see Omar taken out by a juvenile delinquent…in a corner store no less!

4. The Democratic National Convention
I’ve long since been an Obama Mama, but the first night of the Democratic National Convention showed the world what Michelle was made of.  She inspired women, especially women of color, to strive and achieve!

3.  The Return of Maxwell
I am a Maxwell STAN!!!  I was overjoyed to see him appear out of nowhere on the BET awards, but that was nothing compared to the live show he put on in November.   If you missed his concert, I sure hate it for you!

2.  The Election Booth
On November 4, 2008, I was able to cast my vote for the first African American President of the United States.  I was so excited; I even took a picture of my electronic ballot with my iPhone!

And of course the most memorable moment of 2008 was seeing Barack Obama elected as the 44th President of the United States of America.  That’s my Top 10 and I’m sticking to it.  Did I miss anything?
JerzeeChick

January 15, 2009 Posted by | Celebrity, Entertainment, Fun, News, Opinion, Society | 8 Comments

Tis The Season…

Let me start by saying in all things you should be gracious.  People don’t have to buy you a gift, and you should be happy that they thought enough of you at all.  Having said that, and knowing it’s the thought that counts it is also important to be a thoughtful giver!  Be it the office Secret Santa or your husbands sister…who wants to unwrap a box of foolishness?

As you hustle and bustle to pick up things for everyone on your list, please exercise a little gift giving etiquette.  We’ve all received a few less than stellar gifts at one point or another so here are a few Do’s and Don’ts to help you with those last minute decisions.

1.      Unless she is an avid collector, DON’T buy a woman over the age of ten a stuffed animal.  It screams last minute.  It screams gas station.  It screams cheap inconsiderate idiot.  I once had a guy give me a Morehouse teddy bear as a gift.  He didn’t attend Morehouse mind you.  I remember he showed up to my house all proud of that gift, like he did something *clown*.  My friends and I called it a bootleg Teddy Ruxpin, and I threw it away.

2.      DO find out her size before you break the bank in Victoria’s Secret. Lingerie that is too big or too small is a definite no-no! 

3.      DON’T do the Kwanza fake out.  Don’t get me wrong, hand made gifts are nice, but if people aren’t creative and craft savvy, the thought of making something nice might be intimidating.  My friends and I once decided to exchange Kwanza gifts.  It was a good idea for them, because they are all creative.  I can barely color in the lines so I won’t even tell you what I “made” for their gifts!

4.      DO keep his personal style in mind when you buy him a gift.  Even if you hate the way he wears his jeans, buying him a pair of skinny straight leg Rock and Republic’s is not the solution.  He won’t wear them, and that’s three hundred dollars you could have spent on yourself.

5.      DON’T buy Secret Santa gifts from the gas station.  At the very least, you can stop at the grocery store on your way to your office and visit their gift card rack.  No one wants to receive crap, not even the people at work that you don’t like.

6.      DO request a gift receipt.  Even if you think your taste is impeccable, someone else might not agree.  

7.      DON’T ever give anyone a Fruit Cake as a gift…PERIOD!

8.      DO say thank you! Even if you don’t like the gift, or even if you have seven just like it at home, smile and be gracious.   

As I compiled this list of do’s and don’ts I couldn’t help but think of all the bad gifts I’ve received.  There was the aforementioned bootleg Teddy Ruxpin.  There was the package of barrettes my aunt gave me when I was in my twenties (I had a short haircut and could barely curl it, let alone clip barrettes to it). To me those were bad gifts, but the very worst gift I EVER received was actually for Valentine’s Day.  The guy I was with at the time took a picture of us and had one of those characture cartoons drawn from it.  I was beyond disappointed.  When you think Valentine’s Day gift, you think flowers, jewelry, candlelight, romance.  Instead I got a cartoon.  A cartoon that didn’t even look like me.  A cartoon that was rolled up with a rubber band and still in the plastic sleeve.  So much for presentation!

So Epiphanyblog, can you top that?  As you check the gifts off your list and strive to be a thoughtful giver, what was the very worst gift you’ve ever received?

JerzeeChick

December 18, 2008 Posted by | Fun, Holidays, Laughter | 5 Comments

Who Told Me????

My new catch phrase this week is “Who Told Me”.  When I experience something bizarre and am shocked by it, I ask myself “who told me”.  When I do something stupid (like attempt to drive to Atlantic Station in the middle of rush hour traffic), I laugh and ask myself “who told me”.  When someone crosses a line and does something inappropriate I might laugh and say “who told him”, because obviously he wasn’t thinking either!

Who told me I should be able to go to the grocery store and NOT get harassed by the cheesy men?  Some of you may remember my ordeal with the guy in the frozen food section a while back, so it was only a matter of time before Mayor McCheese in the bakery aisle tried to get his holler on.  I was wearing a cute Obama ’08 shirt while picking up a few items.  Mayor McCheese obviously spotted me when I entered his area and decided to follow me and comment very loudly to the person he was speaking to on his cell phone.  He kept referring to me as “number 8”, and I was thoroughly annoyed.  First of all stop stalking me, and second of all be politically aware, clown! 

I hate the post office.  I especially hate my local post office and wish to lobby the government to allow me to transfer my mail to a post office that is more customer friendly.  I am tired of my mail being delivered at 6:30 in the evening….but I digress!  My most recent trip to the post office was moderately pleasant until I got accosted by Tiny Tim in the parking lot.  Who told him he had any shot at getting my number while standing a 5 feet 2 inches tall.[for those that didn’t know, I’m 5’8”]  I smiled and politely told him “no thank you” when he offered me his phone number on a ripped piece of paper.  I thought that would be the end of it…..but who told me?????  Lil dude proceeded to call me a “mean lady” and yelled at me in his thick African accent as I pulled off.

Your weave is your business, and when I see a bad a weave I may snicker or shake my head, but ultimately it’s not my business.  Thinking Boomquisha and Key-LoLo would take a similar stance on my hair style……who told me????  Why did the ghetto wonder twins tell me my “sew-in” was cute, but I shouldn’t have let them cut so much off.  First of all, I don’t have a weave!  My hair isn’t long down to my butt, it is medium length and I have what I like to call a “white girl choppy” hair style.  At first I thought surely they could not be talking to me.  Boomquisha had a gold grill and blonde braids that she was in the middle of taking out.  Key-LoLo had a bad multi-color weave.  They were in the beauty supply store buying MORE FAKE HAIR.  I politely told them it was my hair, and not a weave.  They were skeptical, until I bent down to show them my actual scalp.  After that they were all “oh girl your hair is cute” (and yes “cute” was stretched to a two syllable word)!

Who told me to let the weird white guy take a picture of my feet????  I am sure I’m on some foot fetish porn site at this very moment, but it all happened so fast!!!!  I was minding my business (translation: trying to catch a good sale) when this guy came up to me to compliment my shoes.  I was so busy trying to find my size on the 40% off rack the holy inappropriateness of his commentary went right over my head.  When he whipped out a digital camera and crouched down to snap a picture of my stiletto’s I was slightly oblivious, but the seedy grin he had once he captured the picture was a tell tale sign he was a nut job!  If someone finds a picture of brown feet with lavender toes in a pair of black stiletto open toed shoes floating around the internet….please advise me post haste!

The NFL is at it again….who told him????  You may remember me talking about the Nutty Fruit Loop (NFL) from my job.  How about he had the nerve to send me an email telling me to schedule a conference call for him.  Again I ask…..who told him?????  I wanted to walk around the corner to his office and let him have it, but I had a better idea (translation: The Corporate America Hustle is in full effect)!  Nothing against secretaries and people that do schedule meetings, but that is not in my job description.  Y’all know all I need is a reason to slack off, and the antics of the NFL gave me one on a silver platter!!!!!

As you can see it has definitely been one of those weeks for me.  This started as a vent blog, but as I typed all of this out I had to laugh because it’s funny.  I walk around playing the part of the chick that has it all together….but who told me????  The lesson you should get from this weeks blog…take a minute to laugh at yourself! [and share with us, so we can laugh too]  Our lives are so serious and so intense, but sometimes you gotta laugh to keep from crying.  Yes the short guy in the post office parking lot did make a scene, but the sight of him in my rear view mirror cussing and carrying on was hilarious (especially when you add that accent to the mix).  Mayor McCheese in Publix did annoy me, but in retrospect, the lameness of his pick-up game was comical. There is humor in almost everything, so take a minute to stop….think….and laugh!  Life is serious…..who told you?????  Come on laugh it off…..I know you want to!

JerzeeChick

July 30, 2008 Posted by | Fun, Laughter, Life, Society | 5 Comments

The Writer’s Strike

The writers strike is killing me! So many of my favorite programs are on indefinite hiatus because of the strike, and I am BLUE! In all fairness I don’t know the ins and outs of why their striking, and I have to assume that they must have a good reason (after all who would not work and forgo a full salary for MONTHS without having a good reason) but I still hate it. I am glad shows like The Wire (God rest Stringer Bell), Nip/Tuck and Lost are going to be in first-run episodes for a while, but I’m still missing Cold Case, Desperate Housewives, and Grey’s Anatomy. I’m not sure how many of you are TV fanatics like me, but this week I’ve decided to re-live some of my favorite TV moments from years gone by!

In the seventies, What’s Happening was a great show. If I were to watch a few episodes now, my stomach might turn, but back then….I loved me some Dwayne (hey hey hey). Did the gang from What’s Happening introduce us to “bootlegging”? I am not about to go down that road, but one of my favorite episodes, which I still quote to this day is the “no Roger, no Rerun, no rent”!

Good Times was another show I loved back in the day. I wanted the Evans’s to get out of the projects so bad. Poor James couldn’t keep a job, JJ was always finding stuff, and Thelma had a mean breakdown when it came time to dance. I am not even going to go down the Michael road, but I liked the episodes that involved Penny and her mother (that Chip Fields played a great abusive Mom and when she came back all fly in her fur jacket, you couldn’t tell her nothing). My favorite Good Times episode had to be when James said “The kitchen and the bedroom Florida, the kitchen and the bedroom”. It was so rude, but classic James. He was the classic manly man from the 70’s and he thought women belonged in the kitchen and the bedroom.

About nine years ago TV Land started showing the Jefferson’s. For like a week they played all these Jefferson’s marathons. I forgot how much I liked George Jefferson (and that theme song). Fish don’t fry in the kitchen, beans don’t burn on the grill…..did y’all know Wilona from Good Times sang that theme song???? I can’t really pick a favorite Jefferson’s episode, but I know Florence was one of my favorite characters. (I gotta love any person that keeps her job, while doing no work)!

I am not going to front like I only watched black shows. I was a STAN for Family Ties, Dynasty, Dallas, Growing Pains, Golden Girls and Friends. I also used to watch The Simpson’s every Sunday night. I remember we had a dance called the Bart Simpson. It was voted “Best Dance” my senior year. It narrowly beat out a local favorite called “The All Beef”, but that’s another blog for another day.

Do you remember watching that first episode of The Cosby Show in 1984? Theo gave that speech about being a regular guy and Cliff promptly shut him down. Some of you might think the anniversary episodes were the best. I liked them; in fact I liked all the musically centered episodes (especially the Stevie Wonder episode). The Cosby Show put songs in my head that I probably never would have heard (I actually own a Big Maybelle CD). Having said that, my for real for real favorite episodes center around Theo. When he wanted that Gordon Gartrell shirt, and when he sang the blues to get Justine back are two of my all time favorites. Also in my top five would have to be the episode when Vanessa went to see the Wretched. I always thought Vanessa’s character was pretty lame, but every time I catch that episode on Nick at Night I have to watch it. Clair’s breaking on Vanessa is priceless. (Here we think you’re lying in the floor of some burning building dying of asphyxia and you’re down in Baltimore, having BIG FUN! Weren’t you, Vanessa? Isn’t that where you were? Didn’t you go down there to Baltimore to have big fun, Vanessa? Tell me, didn’t you go for the big fun?) That is my mother all day and all night…only thing missing is she would have had her hands around my neck!

As far as love stories on TV go, my all time favorite couple would have to be Whitley and Dwayne. When he busted up her wedding…..that has to be one of the most romantic things I’ve ever seen. (Whitley, I love you and if you’ll have me I want you to be my wife…I’m sorry Byron but I love her……Whitley will you have me to be your husband from this day forth to have and to hold for richer for poorer….Baby Please!) When she says yes, I smile every time as if I never saw the episode before. Who is our modern day Whitley and Dwayne? Martin and Gina were cool, I liked Sinclair and Overton (although I liked Kyle and Max more), but can a sista get a Whitley and Dwayne circa 2008????

I could go on for days about the TV shows I miss, but hopefully they will all live in infamy on Nick at Night, TV Land et al. While we are surviving this writers strike, I will have to fill the void with the classics. I’m sure I left a few of your favorite episodes out, but holler at me and let me know what you want to see, and I can tell you how to find it!

JerzeeChick

January 24, 2008 Posted by | Entertainment, Fun, Old School | 7 Comments

I Won’t Grow Up!

I have been at war with my jobs PC support department all year (granted we are only 9 days into the year but that is not the point)! As far as work is concerned, my January is not off to the stellar start I had hoped (but trust; I will be working the Corporate America Hustle ALL YEAR)!!!!!! I remember when the first couple of weeks of the New Year were about wearing all your new Christmas clothes and writing those reports about “How I Spent My Christmas Vacation”. Now January is about last year’s numbers and closing the books for the fourth quarter. Being a grown up is quite overrated!

 

In 1983 I got my first Cabbage Patch Kid. She came with a silly name….Suzanna something. My cousin and I decided that was not a suitable name for a black baby so we changed her name to Kristen (because apparently Kristen was much more ethnic). I had a little carrier for her and a diaper bag too. I remember being very disappointed because my mother wouldn’t let me buy a box of pampers with my Christmas money. Even though little Kristen wore the same pamper day after day, she was fly in her fake fur jacket with the matching hat. I waited with baited breath until the birth certificate with her new name came in the mail. Now all I wait for is my W2’s (btw, can someone tell me why it takes them until January 31st to mail out). No more fashion shows for the first two weeks of school. The highlight of January has become gathering receipts and getting all my deductions straight for the tax guy. Yes being a grown up is quite overrated *sighs*.

 

I got the aforementioned Cabbage Patch Kid before they reinvented them with the corn silk hair. Kristen had that knotted up yarn mess that had a permanent part and was bald underneath. Any girl knows that the best part of having a doll is being able to hook her hair up in the styles your mom won’t let you wear outside the house (you know fifty-eleven multi-color barrettes and too many parts). Kristen was forced to rock those same two ponytails everyday, but I kept her bows cute! In 1983 my mom footed the bill for my hair (I had a head full of thick hair, and sadly Jan could barely make a straight part). Now I spend too much money at the beauty shop because I lack the patience and proper styling tools to contend with my thick hair. When I compare my 1983 hair expenditures (which were nil because I only had to pilfer ribbons from my own barrette jar for Kristen’s hair), to 2008 (deep conditioners, trims, touch ups), again I say being a grown up is very overrated!

 

I remember back when people used to pass notes. If a boy liked you, he might send a note through your best friend asking you to go with him (I am not sure where we were “going” but I digress). Now you get the guy in the club that says “What ‘cho name is”, or in my case the guy in the frozen food aisle that doesn’t believe me when I say I’m a vegetarian because in his opinion “I don’t look like I ever smoked no crack”. Boys in high school had game, now the men you meet only know how to “play games”. We used to fall asleep on the phone talking to people that liked us, now we might get a text message or a forwarded email in the middle of the day. Being a grown up sucks sometimes!

 

Do you remember what it was like to go to bed at 2am and still get up in time for an 8 o’clock class? Nowadays, if I am up until 2am for any reason, rest assured I am calling in or working from home the next day. Better yet do you recall what it was like to EAT ANYTHING you wanted whenever you wanted and suffer no repercussions? Now we have lactose intolerance and acid reflux to contend with (not to mention the fear of a bulging gut). What about when Tylenol and hot tea cured everything? An occasional swig of Robitussin or Triaminic would keep you straight back in the day, but now we have God only knows what cluttering our medicine cabinets. I would gladly kiss the elliptical machine goodbye and go back to the days of gym class and cheerleading practice if I could.

 

What happened to us? All things considered, I think we were a much healthier generation than kids today. We actually danced at the parties *does whop and cabbage patch for emphasis*. Most of us walked or caught the city bus to school (which still required a little walking). We had to do stuff around the house (kitchen cleaning, yard work, and changing channels as needed). Our snack selection was limited (Bon Ton potato chips, crunchy cheese doodles, Drakes Cakes, Blow Pops and green apple Now-A-Later sticks). On paper it seems like we did everything right, yet here we are. Most of us would kill for the mind (and body mass index) of our youth. If I knew then what I know now, I would have kept Kristen (because I’m sure she’s worth a fortune on EBay now), and I would have enjoyed being a kid for as long as I could! If I had to do it all again, I would take a page out of Peter Pan’s book:

I won’t grow up (I won’t grow up)

I don’t want to wear a tie (I don’t want to wear a tie)

Or a serious expression (or a serious expression)

In the middle of July (in the middle of July)

And if it means I must prepare

To shoulder burdens with a worried air

I won’t grow up, never grow up, not me!

JerzeeChick

January 10, 2008 Posted by | Fun, Life, Old School | 4 Comments

It’s The Thought That Counts

     

Is it just me, or did Christmas appear out of nowhere?  I can not believe it’s the middle of December, and I saw someone in open toe strappy’s yesterday (for those that don’t know, we are experiencing a heat wave in Atlanta).  I wouldn’t say I’m a “Bah Hum Bug”, but I definitely don’t have the holiday spirit yet. In an effort to jump start my own Christmas cheer, I am writing today’s blog about those little dilemma’s we face at this time of year. I’m hoping these reflections and tidbits will get me in the mood to start baking cookies and wrapping gifts J 

  

Less is More

When it comes to the open bar at your company’s holiday party, less is definitely more.  No one wants to be remembered as the girl that had too many drinks and corralled everyone into doing the “Cupid Shuffle” or worse yet the “Souljah Boy”.  People might smile as they are “super man-ing” it, but trust me when I tell you they will be chatting about you around the water cooler for years to come!  Also, this rule applies to holiday house parties too.  Do not get all liquored up on that free Hennessey and start grinding on the first attractive person you see.

The Boo Factor

Don’t bring your new Boo around family, if your old Boo is still high on their list of favorite people.  While you may have moved on, if you family is still holding on to a glimmer of hope that you might do a Peaches & Herb (Reunited And It Feels So Good), don’t subject an innocent bystander to such an uncomfortable situation. 

First Time Giver

If your relationship is new, don’t go breaking your pockets by buying an overly expensive gift in an effort to guilt the recipient into spending more money on you!    If you go out on a limb and tell someone you’re not expecting a gift, don’t get mad when you don’t get one!   Fella’s:  Trashy lingerie is NOT the business.  Ladies:  Unless you know for 100%  sure he’s a suit and French cuff wearer, save the cufflinks and tie for your Dad! 

Gracious Recipient

At some point in life we will all receive at least one gift that is CRAP!  It might come from the Secret Santa at the office, or it might come from your Great Aunt Selma from Dallas.  Some people lack taste, and others are just plain tacky.  Assess the intent of the giver.  If Great Aunt Selma really thought that sweater with the pumpkins and reindeer was a fashion statement, smile and act like it’s a cashmere D&G.  However, if that Secret Santa gift is some mess that you know your coworker bought from the gas station on her way to the office Christmas party, simply smile and plan your get back.  Save the gift and make sure you finagle your way into being her Secret Santa next year.  Re-wrap and re-gift that mess right back to her!

Poo Poo the Potluck

I don’t do the office potluck thing.  I used to, when our team was small and I pretty much knew who was bringing what long before the luncheon started.  Nowadays, there are like thirty people bringing stuff, and how can you really  know who has cats licking the bowl and who eats off the floor?  Save yourself the hassle of having to pole the participants, and just work from home on potluck day. 

 JerzeeChick 

December 13, 2007 Posted by | Fun, Laughter | 5 Comments

Technology Break Down

Are you superstitious?  Do you avoid splitting the pole? If you found a chain letter in your mailbox while sorting thru your bills, would you take the time to make copies and mail it to ten friends?  Better yet, when you get those emails that say: forward to ten friends in the next seventeen seconds, and your wish will come true, do you do it?  If so, take me off your distro list because I don’t believe in that mess, and I’m tired of y’all cluttering up my inbox with foolishness! *rolling eyes* 

Technology is a wonderful thing.  We can send email, instant messages, and text messages.  We have call tones, answer tones, ring tones and blue tooth.  We have myspace, face book, blogs and God only knows what else that allows us to make “friends” and stay current on social commentary and celebrity gossip.  I find myself in a love hate relationship with technology.  I love it because it makes my life so much simpler, but I hate it because so many people abuse it.  In light of that, I’ve decided to dedicate this blog to those technology faux pas that DRIVE ME UP A WALL.  If you are reading this and actively participate in any of these transgressions, please adjust your behavior accordingly, because I know I am not the only one annoyed. 

Clean It Up:  Before you forward an email to everyone on your distro list, clean it up!  We all appreciate being kept in the know of all the celebrity gossip. We all appreciate getting the cute anecdotes about growing old gracefully and those you know you’re a child of the 70’s/80’s if emails BUT…..we can all do without having to scroll through 17 lines of “forwarded message” breaks.  Before you click send, take a moment to delete all those email addresses and commentary of everyone that read the message before you! 

BCC Is Your Friend:  For those that don’t know “Blind Carbon Copy” is a wonderful feature.  It allows you to send out emails to everyone, while protecting the sanctity of their email addresses.  I don’t care to know that I was one of twenty three people that you chose to send that “Life Is Like A Box Of Chocolates” email to.  There are times when you won’t use the BCC.  For instance, if you are inviting a group of friends to meet you for drinks, you might want everyone’s email address to be visible (for carpool purposes, or just as an FYI).  If you are sending out that You Tube video of the little girl dancing like Beyonce, by all means BCC! 

Reply All Is The ENEMY:  Oh my God, I don’t understand why people have not grasped the concept of “reply to sender”.  Is it that the “reply all” button is more readily available, or do people just lack common courtesy?  What on earth makes you think all twenty people on the distro list care to read your commentary about the message?  Most of them probably don’t know you, so the fact that you think the baby is “precious and getting so big” is of no consequence to them. *rolling eyes again*  As previously stated, if the email is about meeting for drinks or something that requires group input, then by all means “reply all”, but if you are just giving your two cents about the Will and Jada pictures you just received “reply to sender” only please! (FYI, proper usage of the BCC will prevent this from happening)

 Respect the Work Email:  When sending emails, if you know the content is racy, do not forward it to someone’s work address.  Even if you put a disclaimer at the top of the message, Corporate IT can snag the message before your friend sees it.  He/She will be doing the walk of shame right out the building with that sad cardboard box without even knowing why!  Everyone should use their free yahoo accounts to correspond with the homies!  I am all for the Corporate America Hustle, but do not use the people’s good email program to forward porn, dancing babies, and hip hop gossip too often.  Believe me when I tell you Corporate IT is watching! 

Yes, The Baby Is Cute:  BUT we do not need a new picture everyday! Before email, when pictures were being sent out via snail mail, they were few and far between because there was a cost involved.  Now that you can upload and send the images for free, I think some people have lost their minds! Maybe a new mother can tell the changes in a baby from day to day or week to week, but to the untrained eye little June-June is looking the same in every picture.  So please, to spare yourself from email block, only send out the pictures quarterly, at holidays, and when he/she is wearing an outfit purchased by the recipient (and in all cases refer to the aforementioned rules for BCC)! 

Kill The Chirp:  I have learned to respect the values of the blue tooth.  The ability to be “hands free” while using your cell phone is a definite perk.  But as God as my witness I do not now nor will I ever understand why people think that Chirp-Chirp Nextel walkie talkie mess is acceptable.  What makes you think the rest of us want to hear your conversation?  It has to be one of the most rude and intrusive technological things out there today.  I was on a plane recently and a guy was getting his chirp on while people were boarding.  I was so annoyed!  I have never been so happy for the forward doors to close IN MY LIFE!   

There are several other email/cell phone behaviors out there that you might find annoying, but in the interest of time and space, I had to cut the list short.  As always, please feel free to add your own commentary! If you have a friend that is constantly committing any of these transgressions, forward on this blog link and maybe she’ll get the hint.  In closing I would like to again state for the record technology is a wonderful thing.  J 

JerzeeChick

October 4, 2007 Posted by | Fun, Life, Opinion, Technology | 8 Comments

People Watching 101

This past weekend I had a fabulous time at a friends birthday party (Happy Birthday Hilton)!  His party was the only event at this particular venue, so there wasn’t the normal over crowding that you find in Atlanta on a Saturday night.  There was plenty of food, and the DJ was excellent.  For a moment I felt like I was back at a club in NYC or Jersey….but I digress.  We pretty much danced the night away, but I also had the unique opportunity to do a lot of “people watching” at this party.  Between the time I spent on the dance floor, at the bar, at my table and at the valet, I noticed several important things that we should be mindful of when are at the club.

Don’t Ask Dumb Questions:  FYI there is no good reason to wear dark sunglasses in a nightclub.  Ladies if you see a man with shades on in the club, please do not ask him why he’s wearing those dark sunglasses.  You already know the answer…HE’S BEING EXTRA!  You’re asking him will only make you look desperate.  Don’t further feed his delusions of celebrity by acting like a groupie.

Grammar, Phonics, and Pronunciation:  Was “what cho name is” ever a suitable pick up line?  I was standing at the valet and a guy came up to me and told me I was “bootaful”.  Please note he said “bootaful”, not “beautiful”.  While I get where he was going with the statement, I am generally going to pass on any guy that obviously failed phonics.

Look the Part:  On my way home I stopped at a light and a shiny new model Lexus Sedan pulled up next to me.  The windows were tinted, so I couldn’t see inside the car.  My first instinct was to check the security of my door locks and then to make sure I wasn’t “boxed in” in case I had to flee a potential car jacker.  That fool lowered his window and he was wearing one of those paper hair net things. He tried to get my attention, but I sped off as soon as the light turned green.  Unless you are serving up mashed potatoes in the cafeteria line, a hair net on a man is NEVER appropriate! 

Body Language:  Why do men think they need to let a woman know she’s not smiling?  FYI guys, unless we recently had a stroke, we know when we’re smiling.  So if you see a woman in the club, at the gas station, or at the express line in Publix do not feel compelled to interrupt her thoughts by telling her to smile.  It should also be noted that a woman standing with her arms folded and not giving eye contact is not the universal signal for “come hither cornball”.  If you must to engage her in conversation please do not start with “why do you look so mean”.  This is like the mother of all oxymoron’s!  You think she looks mean, yet you approach her anyway….how desperate are you?   If she is in fact mean, and packing a taser it would serve you right.  We don’t have to be walking around with a painted on grin.  Some of us prefer to smile on the inside.  If a woman is giving you that “I don’t want to be bothered” vibe, take the hint!

Dancing Shoes:  Under no circumstances is it ever acceptable to put your bare feet on that nasty club floor! Ladies, I know we do a lot for the sake of beauty.  At times we may have to wear those shoes that are a bit too narrow, because we know they are the only ones to make our outfit POP!  Having said that, when wearing the too small shoes to the club, unless you plan on surgically removing your pinky toe in the restroom, you just can’t dance to every song.  Find yourself a seat, and stay in it until YOUR SONG comes on.  Dance for a minute, and then sit your tail back down. You in your seat getting your chair dance on is a much better look than limping to your car looking like Aunt Esther at the end of the night because your feet are killing you.

Recognizing Limitations:  Every hairstyle has its limits.  Before you hit the dance floor, be mindful of yours.  If you know you need a touch up, you can’t dance song after song after song.  The longer you dance the more you’ll sweat and we know the roots are always the first too go. Lest you want to leave the club looking like the Lady of Rage (rock rough and stuff with your afro puffs), I suggest you not dance too hard and frequently check your edges for signs of swelling and frizz.    

Guy is NOT the Future:  Unless your name is Aaron Hall or Charles Oakley, please cease and desist with the wide leg super long crooked cuff pants!  For some reason thick thighed guys seem to think these pants camouflage something.  NOPE!  The pants hide nothing, and probably do more harm than good, so please stop wearing them.   And if you are pairing them with a too tight “dress” wife beater, discontinue that nonsense as well. (Sidebar:  the “dress wife beater” is not the Fruit of the Loom/Hanes one that you find in the men’s underwear section.  The dress wife beater is purchased as a shirt from “Structure” or some other Metro-Sexual clothing store.  The neck band is usually very thick and it comes in assorted colors).  For those that don’t know the “dress” wife beater is probably the most lame thing a man can wear.  It screams “Look at me, I go to the gym.”  When women see that shirt we scream “YUCK, what kind of loser wears a wife beater to the club”.  The only person that should have on a wife beater in the club is DMX.  Men I beg of you…..no more wife beaters in the club!  Please do not wear them as part of an “outfit” when you go on a date.  Believe me when I tell you the dress wife beater is never a good look.

In closing I would just like to say we all (women and men) notice things in our social comings and goings.  I guess you would say this list represents the things that annoy me, but I’m sure someone out there is willing to cosign…

JerzeeChick

August 23, 2007 Posted by | Fun, Girlfriends, Laughter, Life, Single | 5 Comments